Articles
The Most Valuable Asset In The World
See if you can guess (without looking down!) the most valuable asset in the world…
- What builds the strongest relationships?
- What underpins the most effective communication?
- What evaporates the anxiety & heaviness of people-pleasing and perfectionism?
- What leads to a life of FREEEDOM and deep fulfillment?
- What do the best coaches in the world have in common?
Answer: AUTHENTICITY!!!
Digital pound if you got it (and didn’t look down)! 👊
Authenticity is our key to a life beyond our wildest dreams.
Most people are capable of being authentic, but they just don’t have the courage to be fully seen. They’re too scared.
And I get it. It’s hard.
What will people think? What if I upset my family? What if my friends unfriend me? What if I cause hardship on people I care about? What if no one likes the real me? What if they poke fun? What if they criticize? What if I fail? What if I upset or hurt someone’s feelings?
It’s easier to hide. To be the person everyone likes. To meet someone else’s expectations. To let people walk all over you. To play it safe. To suffer in silence.
Because then you can avoid the effort, confrontation, and the perceived pain associated with your made-up answers to all those questions (re-read that one). And then no one has to know about the insecurities and fears, right?
WRONG.
I have better questions to ask: What if it’s all worth it? What if the other side is exactly what I’ve been searching for all along? What if I finally start to live FULLY?
I’m not saying go tell the world everything about you, but start letting the real you out. Start living how you actually want to live. And get some support.
Will the real YOU please stand up!
When you COMMIT to being FULLY seen and stepping into ALL of who you really are, THAT’S when you will start to LIVE.
The hard part…
It requires embracing vulnerability. Disappointing others. Facing criticism. Stretching beyond your comfort zone. Loving certain people from a distance. Getting knocked down. Risking failure. Risking being disliked. And above all, it requires DARING GREATLY.
Quite frankly, it’s scary as shi*t and not easy, but I promise… it is worth EVERY single ounce of effort.
The level of FREEDOM, FULFILLMENT, AND PURE BLISS you will experience are unlike anything.
I’ve experienced it firsthand. And I get to witness it with my clients, too.
Last Friday, one of my new clients told me (in tears): “I can’t believe what’s happened to me in 3 weeks. I’m literally not the same person I was before we started. I’m actually becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be.”
***
In the spirit of AUTHENTICITY, here’s who I really am:
I’m from Morristown, NJ, and the last of four children — the best for last 🙂
My first passion (other than Legos) was tap dancing. I studied with Savion Glover, arguably the best tap dancer ever to live, at a young age and fell in love with “the dance.”
I performed all over the Country. I even got to perform at The Apollo Theater, The Manhattan Center, and qualified to perform on the United States Tap Dance Team.
I have so many great memories growing up. I have plenty of not-so-great memories, too.
I think the first time I felt something was wrong with me was when I was ridiculed for having big ears. Someone I loved poked fun at me in front of his friends…they all laughed, and I felt awful.
I’m pretty sure that was also the first time I felt the intensity of shame. I even asked my Mom about surgery to reduce my ear-size.
That was the start of the “not enough, something’s wrong with me, shame, fear, people-pleasing, perfectionism” void that grew as I got older.
I harbored all those emotions along with frustration and anger in complete silence for about two decades. I never shared about it. I didn’t know how. I didn’t reach out for help or support. I just bottled them up, tried to ignore them, and isolated frequently so I didn’t have to put on the everything-is-okay mask.
I experienced a sharp spike in negative emotions at about 17 when I went through my first breakup. I still didn’t know how to deal with painful emotions, but by that age, I did know how to numb them.
So I numbed them…with alcohol.
That’s when alcohol started to become my solution to life’s problems. I figured out how to up my self-destructive solution in college with drugs… and so it went.
Before I knew it, I went from being this joyous, full-of-life tap dancing kid to a full-blown addict and alcoholic, depleted of any joy or zest for life. I can recall some really tough times. Some morning I almost didn’t wake up. And to be painfully honest, on those morning I didn’t really care if I did.
I struggled with addiction & alcoholism for about ten years before I hit rock bottom in 2011.
On December 11, 2011, I wrecked my car in a total blackout. The remorse, shame, anxiety, and humiliation that I felt the following morning were enough to get me to finally (1) acknowledge that I had a problem and (2) ask for help.
I never wanted to feel like that again.
I went to a 12-step meeting, got a sponsor, and began to recover.
I relapsed 7 months later.
After another round of emotional pain, I threw myself further into the 12-step program, and by the Grace of the God of my understanding, I recovered. I matured emotionally, learned how to love my whole self, and how to live a useful and sober life.
Then some of my childhood dreams resurfaced, one of which was to become an attorney. So I left court in 2012 as a defendant and signed up for the Law School Admission Test. I performed decently on the test and applied to Rutgers Law School.
I was heartbroken when they rejected my application for admission. I applied again the following year, however, and got in.
At the outset of classes, I was terrified.
It was six years since I’d graduated college. I was never much of a reader. In fact, I had a poor track record in reading and writing courses.
I was still new to recovery. I was working weekends till 4 or 5 in the morning so I could pay my bills. And I was intimidated by the other students, especially the ones citing to the US Constitution on Day ONE!
I feared I wasn’t smart enough, good enough, competent enough, disciplined enough, or sober enough.
All those limiting beliefs were shattered as I underwent one of the most profound transformations of my life. I learned the power of thought and how to reshape my mindset.
I listened to motivational and inspirational YouTube videos for about 30 minutes every morning during my commute to law school.
My mindset completely transformed.
I believed in myself for the first time. Rather than merely surviving law school, I chose to aim for first in the class. I was determined to use all those years I “wasted” as fuel for a better life. And I wanted to succeed not just for me, but for everyone who felt like I once felt…hopeless.
I got laser focused, motivated, and determined to be the hardest working student.
Three years later I graduated first in the class. I remember sitting in my car after the ceremony and crying my eyes out. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe who I had become. In the end, it wasn’t about the awards or having the highest GPA, it was about who I had become.
I went on to practice corporate law at one of the best firms in the world after law school. My experience practicing was challenging and rewarding, and helped me develop an invaluable skill-set, yet I felt deeply unfulfilled, unhappy, and like I was neglecting my spirit and true purpose.
After some serious soul searching, and battling fear and guilt for over a year, I developed the courage to leave the law to pursue coaching.
It was a difficult transition and I made a ton of mistakes. I’ve learned a lot about myself, life, and business.
Major life transitions have even become an area of my coaching expertise.
My Mother used to always tell me that I’ll know when I’m in love because it will feel like I’m home.
Coaching is my home.
Her wisdom applies well beyond relationships.
***
BE YOU
What makes you so special is that you are you, and nobody else. You are the only you.
That makes you one in about 8 billion people!
Be you. Embrace you. Love you. You were created with a special touch.
***
Enjoying being one in 8 billion this week.
Much love.
